Don't read this--It's weakness!

What is it I even want out of a relationship anyway? Sure, a WIFE. But prior to that. I suppose I should call it motivation. I guess a pesky reminder is a heavy heavy crush in my childhood seems to be having a very successful relationship. It's not at all that I still like her... haha definitely not. But she is my social equal--and has what I want. It's not frustration, it's anticipation. It's not the angst of being single, it's the love that's pent up and has.. well, obviously, it should go to God at this point. I'm obviously not ready to be a husband, but I want to grow in that area you know? You gotta start sometime.