The coffee is keeping me awake. It's strange, because I didn't drink any! But there it sits, unmade in the coffee pot with it's bright green clock, blinking ...6 after 1. Needless to say, (but said anyway) even more time will pass as this is all written. I don't think I stay up because I am an insomniac. It seems, sadly that I never meet my daily quota for human contact. A quick google search with the search entry "disorder, desire for human contact" ironically ends up showing nothing but HSDD, Hypo-active sexual desire disorder. How off could that be? Stupid.

My Top 10 Video Games of All Time

I felt compelled today to write my list of best games ever.. perhaps out of a desire for personal clarity in the matter. This is not meant to be for everyone--just me. So bite me. :P

10. Legend Of Zelda: Link To The Past (SNES)

I liken this game to an addicting flash game, because no matter how many times I beat the same dungeons, it's still run to return to. The puzzles demand to be solved each time instead of ignored or sped through.

9. Rush 2: Extreme Racing USA (N64 version)

I've probably spent more hours playing this game than any other game *ever*. My friend Brian and I would stay up to 1-2 (that was extra late back in elementary school) unlocking everything and flying off of ramps with hypo-lunar gravity. Good times.

8. The Halo Series (the ones on the original XBOX)

Before I continue, I must note I'm not a fanboy. I don't care about the lore of the game and neither am I super competitive when it comes to multiplayer matches. The real fun I found in the games were in multiplayer co-op sessions. Riding in the back of a warthog or dogfighting alongside a buddy in ghosts against the Legendary campaign was epic in that Halo way.

*here comes the Blizzard block*

7. Starcraft (PC)
It wasn't until I was older and more of a refined gamer that I possessed the "micro" necessary to begin to grasp the strategic concepts, and even still at any multi-player gathering I will get my rear end handed to me, bubbling in a hearty stew of zerglings. (Terrans are easy.) But when you do garner the skill and patience necessary to breed/warp/build an army, the satisfaction of a zerg-rush/carrier slam/battleship nuke-fest is unmatched (for now, until starcraft 2 comes out.)

6. Maplestory (PC)

I took the most flak for enjoying the heck out of this game (though my level 40 wizard paled in comparison to a pixel of the shadows of some of the 100+'s in the game) but I will always stand behind it. Maplestory is the only game I know to have successfully pulled off creating a massive, expansive (albeit literally linear) RPG world in only two dimensions. Literally--the thing is a side-scrolling MMORPG. I didn't necessarily like the grinding or the quests (WOW does it better, naturally) but the art style combined with the satisfying hack 'n slash of 2d shooters/fighters incorporating the massive community really made it fun.

5. Counterstrike 1.6 (PC)

When Half-Life 2 released for the PC, I had recently began to play the first one, and all its mods. The culture behind this game is the direct descendant of the el33t shooter gods and the perpetual n00bs of the Quake & Unreal day and age, so needless to say my vocabulary expanded a fair bit while playing. The execution of some of the first modern FPS gameplay and team dynamics always brought me back, from pub servers to clan play.

4. Final Fantasy VII (PSX)

For those of you that know me you might be wondering: "Ryan, you talk about this game ALL THE TIME! Why isn't it at the top of your list?" While the story of this game, to me, is top notch and engaging (WHY, AERIS?!) I like games that are fun to play all the way through, and FFVII had it's lulls and grindfests. There was one game that did it better...

3. Chrono Trigger (SNES)

Compared to the newer graphics and cinematic elements of FFVII, this game doesn't come close. But the story is competitive, longer, equally engaging and more expansive. The gameplay was more fun to me in general and since the storyline became less and less linear as it progressed, you had options. Combat was simple, but not to the point where it's numbing.

2. Tribes 2 (PC)

This largely unheard of FPS was the pinnacle of my gaming skill, and the first PC fps I ever played. I downloaded the demo when I was 12 years old, played a few matches with bots and other demo-users and realized "This game might actually be worth three week's allowances!" I quickly fell in love with the environments (all 6 landscape types--woo) and custom game modes/level designs found online. I could go on for pages about this game, but I'll give you one point for which I will never forget this game. 64 player CTF on a map spanning literal miles of terrain, which can only be traversed by transports operated by sentient, human players evading bombers and shrike fighter ships, ejecting from the ship (which has about 3 missles locked on at this point) dodging tron-style exploding blue frisbees on your approach to the other teams flag, only to get zapped up the butt by a shocklance (an electric knife, effectively.)

1. ...Kirby Super Star! (SNES)

I'm just a sucker for the pink one. This game was fun, is fun, and will always be just as fun if not more so no matter how much I play it. Perhaps the taste was acquired but no platformer measures up.

1a. Super Smash Brothers Brawl

Just goes without saying.

New song!

V1
You lay my pain to waste
You take away the cold and dark
You give me air to breathe
I've finally found what I'm looking for

V2
The multitudes will bow
And every mouth will praise your name
Your day of Glory is here
There is no power but yours, Jesus

P.C.
Chains that bind me melt away
At the sound of your sweet voice
We cry out for your mercy and
The light that shines forever

Chorus
At the foot of the cross, at the door of your tomb
At your feet as you rise to the right hand of God
We'll glorify your name and shine as the sun

In the depths of my heart you fill me with joy
and Take me to places seen never before
The victory and triumph is Yours

Hypothetical Socio-experimentational musing #2

Suppose you woke up one morning and aside from family, none of your friends remember who you are? You go to work, and your coworkers introduce themselves to you. You observe a group of your closest friends talking with each other just like normal. However, when you approach them, they either ignore you entirely, ask if they know you, or animatedly introduce themselves (whichever suits their personalities.)

I wonder what kind of advantages & disadvantages a clean slate would bring. My friends know me well because I grew up through high school with them and played in a band with them. But they also know my quirks to a tee. How would they act around me with no prior knowledge to refer to? Could similar relationships be re-built?

With all expectational matters aside, I wonder if it's possible to meet a best friend for the first time. Think about that statement for a minute. Do you believe in love at first sight? Is this the same? I think friendships paradoxically resemble romantic relationships, only because opposites do indeed attract, but groups of friends often resemble each each other, though obvious polarity still exists within the group. So what does that have to do with meeting people?

Perhaps groups of friends work only over time, after trial and error. For example... I doubt I could get in good with my group of friends if I had to do it on my own effort now. Circumstances provided an optimal discipleship environment for us to grow together in and even though I am weird as heck, they still love me, oddities included.

So the conclusion I reach from these observations is that you can't find a bestie in a day. It seems obvious now that I'm stating it, but I have proven it for my own sake. Now the problem lies in finding the qualities in people I know now that will grow into reliable positive tendencies later on--I haven't a clue where to start on this one.